Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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