the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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