I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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