if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
