his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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