9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
