You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
