airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
