Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
