Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
