so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
