i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize