White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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