So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
