i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
