Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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