There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
