You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
