Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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