The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
