I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
