i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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