if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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