Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
