i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
