he wants to bone in the snuggie
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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