I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
