walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize