Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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