hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
