He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
