can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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