I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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