Having a random hookup so left but love u
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
