12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
