Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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