I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
