The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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