I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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