I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
