So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
