Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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