I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
