the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize