I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
