Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
