I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
