I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
