my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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