there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
