when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
