Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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