I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
