dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
