there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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