So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
