I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize