i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
