she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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