Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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